sometimes it feels like life is passing me by because i am too afraid to live. too afraid to take chances. too afraid to try anything new. too afraid of the people out there. too afraid of losing it. too afraid of failing. too afraid of succeeding as well. so afraid of being alone. so afraid of being with someone. so afraid of despair and so afraid of happiness too. i often wish i was someone else, someone stronger, more confident. but i haven't been able to become this other me in the past almost 30 years. so i guess it's probably time to bury that thought.
my dad and i went to the "lange nacht der museen" last night. my legs still hurt from all those steps at the berliner dom...but the view was worth it and walking around the cupola was very refreshing. other places that i really enjoyed were the knoblauchhaus, the ephraim-palais, where they had a very well curated exhibition (kleist: krise und experiment) about heinrich von kleist, including a room full of famous writers and philosophers who have committed suicide. i also enjoyed the exhibitions at café sibylle and the former karl-marx-buchhandlung. other than that we visited the ddr museum (which was too crowded and too silly for my taste, but had some fun moments) and the rotes rathaus, berlin's city hall. next time we will definitely leave berlin-mitte. but for last night it was more than enough and we went to places, i haven't been to before (excluding the berliner dom).
"...it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."
last week i found this grasshopper or whatever it is in my living room...when i came home from work it was gone. at least i hope so. but maybe i'll find a body in a few days somewhere in my place, who knows.
"...Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them? To die: to sleep; No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub; For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause: there’s the respect That makes calamity of so long life; For who would bear the whips and scorns of time, The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely, The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay, The insolence of office and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life, But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover’d country from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all; And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action..."
shakespeare's hamlet used to be my favourite play.